One of my sayings in life is that I would rather regret the things I did than the things I didn’t do. But there are moments in life when we wake up next to someone and want to gnaw our arm off at the elbow to escape. Following is my five point plan on how to survive the Walk of Shame:
1) Erase the evidence. Did you film it on a camera/video/phone? Always insist on keeping the video/negatives, or better yet, delete everything and erase it from your hard drive.
2) If anyone asks, don’t say ‘Nothing happened.’ Stick with ‘We’re just friends.’ The best lie is close to the truth!
3) If you don’t already have your Walk of Shame kit pre-packed, hit a drugstore for yellow-toned concealer, tights, and oversized sunglasses. Don’t take them off all day.
4) Deal with the STD aftermath. If you feel burning after a few days, it’s probably not passion – it could be a parasite.
5) Skin cells are constantly regenerating themselves. No matter how heinous the hookup, in a few weeks it will be as if the offending person never touched your vagina! And remember, many of the strangest stories have the potential to be comedy gold once enough time has passed. I believe that every learning experience with the wrong people leads us closer to understanding ourselves, and hopefully closer to the right one.