Another day, another Radio Five Live debate after a social scientist writes that affairs are good for marriages. Is she right? Should we adopt a more ‘French’ approach? I think that a debate on monogamy is long overdue. Like our ancestors the bonobos, monogamy is not the most natural state for humans. I believe that open marriages and ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ policies are fine…if both people are on the same page.
Your Goals of the Investigation should be the same from the beginning. She writes about a theoretical ‘playfair’, in which two people meet for no strings attached fun and no one gets hurt. She’s also obviously never had a theoretical ‘playfair’ mistress show up on her theoretical doorstep at 3am, or try to crawl in through the theoretical doggie door of her house. People in love are crazy because they are on a dopamine high. They don’t behave logically once they find out you weren’t really ‘separated’, you were just ‘separated for the night’. The Internet makes it easier for us to cheat, but the Internet also makes it easier for us to get busted.
Why can’t people just be more honest about their expectations of the relationship from the beginning? Because really, in most cases it’s not the actual infidelity that kills relationships, it’s the shock of the betrayal. If you’re going to cheat, don’t lie about it.