I get a ton of letters from people whose friends/loved ones/colleagues are dating losers and scammers. They ask me how to bitch-slap them into reality using logical arguments. Here’s the thing: You usually can’t. You need a soft touch approach AND hard evidence.
Evolution has hard-wired women to love bad boys, and people in love are high on dopamine and temporarily insane.To illustrate how delusional ‘fantasy love’ can make us, let’s replace Tamara Ecclestone’s current beau with Bram Stoker’s Dracula.
Both men like to flash money around, both have vague occupations that allow them to sleep all day (currently Rutland is ‘International Playboy’ on Twitter and a ‘broker consultant’), and both are into love at first sight.
Tamara is the daughter of pocket-sized Formula One magnate Bernie Ecclestone. She just got engaged to Jay Rutland, a guy she’s known for a month. Her new love is a former stockbroker who got kicked out of the FSA for insider trading: That’s right, he was too shady to be a banker. Pretty scary stuff. He also dealt coke to that chick from Eastenders.
Tamara may be a billionaire, but this isn’t the first time she’s ignored some serious red flags. One ex cheated on her; another blackmailed her. I’m sure her friends and family have suggested that maybe, just maybe, she should slow down this time. This won’t work. It will probably only make her want to ‘prove her point’.
To illustrate how delusional ‘fantasy love’ can make us, let’s replace her current beau with Bram Stoker’s Dracula. Both men like to flash money around, both have vague occupations that allow them to sleep all day (currently Rutland is ‘International Playboy’ on Twitter and a ‘broker consultant’), and both are into love at first sight. Here’s how that would play out:
ME: Tamara, you’re dating Dracula. The guys drinks blood and has to feed on people to survive. Seriously, this isn’t going to end well.
TAMARA: I’ve never felt this way before! He’s my soulmate.
ME: I get it, but he’s killed a lot of people and turned them into monsters. Doesn’t that scare you?
TAMARA: He was totally honest with me about his past. Everyone deserves a second chance.
ME: Okay, but he just ate your best friend. Like, last night.
TAMARA: He crossed oceans of time to find me!
ME: If he’s that focused, can’t he get a real job?
Doing a love intervention is like telling someone they are bad in bed–you have to subtly redirect them without embarrassment. Otherwise, you will just piss them off and make them feel horrible. Then you back it up with hard evidence. Stay tuned for tomorrow: My tips on How to Stage a Love Intervention.